Author: Nan Clydesdale JD

Years ago I started to pay attention to what others were saying about the mind – body connection but my mind continued to be primo even in my contemplative practices.  

Last year with a small group of friends, I began working with the racialized trauma practices in Resmaa Menakem’s book, My Grandmother’s Hands.  There is no endpoint to the work I will do with my group but I realized I needed more support around my embodied self.  

With much gratitude, I am now working with a CTR somatic therapist.  I am learning to discern what my body sensations are telling me. Sometimes there are no words and I don’t need to analyze anything; still I am discovering my body’s wisdom.  Sometimes I move about to express myself.  Sometimes I hum and sway back and forth.  Sometimes I bring up an image or make a sound.  Without words or figuring out the emotion behind the sensation, I feel whole. I feel authentic.  

Learning how our bodies are constantly oscillating and balancing I have begun to watch some of my relationships in the same way.  In a recent visit with my sister, I noticed how I can dip in and dip out with closeness. It felt more grounded than previous times when I wanted to take our sibling ties to difficult extremes. 

Slowing down to connect with my sensations, I am also making better decisions around boundaries — with others and myself. Tuning into my body with increasing trust, I am not second guessing day to day negotiations with others.  Hurrah oscillation and balance; hiss rigidity. 

A sore throat is my red alert about not being heard. Noticing a sharp ache traveling up my mid back, I ask if I have a need that is not being met.  Often the back ache subsides and I smile. It is with pure joy I am learning to listen to my body’s very wise voice.  I feel more at ease and integrated as I increasingly bring body awareness to what I am feeling.

Thank you CTR. My mind no longer rules as a separate being.